How To Tell The Difference Between Love & Lust

There’s site link with needing to tear your spouse’s clothing away on a whim (it can definitely make for a hot relationship), however, whether or not there is a deeper love will ascertain the commitment level. Understanding the difference between love and lust will help you better understand exactly how romantically involved you envision being to get the long run with your companion. And, what’s more, it’ll provide you a great idea of exactly how to feel regarding her or his weaknesses and how they effect you.

As a licensed health coach I work with people on feeling satisfied in their relationships, no matter what that really stands for. Sometimes, individuals are only after lust, or rather an intimate (frequently mainly physical) relationship that is more short lived, hot, and obsessive. Consider: click for source can’t keep your hands off each other when. But usually there’s less of a link beyond the physical (you’re sort of dating the body, rather than the individual inside it). As there’s understanding and an attachment there, contrarily, a relationship built on love is going to have a more meaning. No matter what you searching for, the two could be satisfying the long-term result will differ. Here are 9 ways to tell the difference between lust and love .

You Have Meaningful Conversation

Based on Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, a licensed clinical professional counselor and a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist, over email with Bustle, in case you’re finding a deeper level of communication, there’s probably a love there. “When there’s depth to the relationship, beyond merely physical attraction, that’s a good indication that there is love. You have the ability to have meaningful conversations, discuss your dreams for your relationship, learn more about one another’s interests and family background,” Rabbi Slatkin explains.


“Should you find yourself romantically and sexually excited by these, but have no interest in the emotional and other non-sexual aspects of the relationship, then it probably is just lust,” says David Bennett, a licensed counselor and relationship expert to Bustle.

You are Still Invested In Them Even With Bad Sex

If you’re suffering to have a sexual chemistry with your spouse, or you don’t like his or her personality in bed, but you still want to stay together for a slew of different reasons, it’s probably because you love them, says Bennett. “Love is a relationship that’s deeper than just sexual attraction, and is emotional as well as intellectual, and continues even when you may be trying hard to connect intimately with your partner,” says Bennett.

You Have Fantasies About Them

“Lust is usually chemical, primal and firmly physical. It usually involves idealization and fantasy about the person,” says Stacy Kaiser, Live Joyful Editor At Large and licensed psychotherapist, to Bustle. “Love tends to be calmer and quieter. It requires more time to grow and feels much more like an emotional and mental bond than a physical or chemical one,” Kaiser adds.

You’re Obsessive

“Lust and the first stages of a relationship involve the dependence center of the mind, which can be fed from the hormones that surge through you each time you visit or consider the object of your desires,” says Michelle Archard, Romance Expert to Bustle. “If you’re continually searching for a ‘repair’ of the partner then you’re probably still at the lust phase. If you’re able to go a while with no contact and are not continually thinking about them then you have moved into the attachment or love phase,” Archard explains.

You Feel Grounded About Them

” Love is deep grounded feeling. Love is layered. When you like someone you take the whole package. You wish to get to understand them. You care about them and care for their wellbeing,” says Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Melissa Divaris Thompson, to Bustle. In general, you will be interested in peeling back those layers.

You are Doing More “Couple” Things

“By the time love happens, couples are usually moving in together, buying a house, moving up the career ladder, and believing of kids. So they have much more pressure happening in their lifetime, which helps to eliminate (or slow down) lust,” describes Cath Hakanson, sex educator and creator of Sex Ed Rescue to Bustle.

You are Focused On Getting What You Want

Here’s a key difference: Lust is all about getting what you need (maybe some hot sex ?) , while love is much more about enduring the relationship and giving on a spouse, explains Brian Taylor, relationship & Author coach, to Bustle. Think about where your mind is and it’ll help determine whether you are feeling love or lust.

You Do Not Feel Safe To Open

“If you feel safe to share your feelings on your relationship, and you feel accepted despite your weaknesses, it is likely love. If you believe you either can not or do not need to discuss your feelings and be emotionally vulnerable in your relationship, then it is probably lust,” Shirani M. Pathak, LCSW, Relationship Center of Silicon Valley, says over email with Bustle.

If you notice any of these differences popping up on your relationship, then you’ll certainly get a few signals to understand the difference. That’s good, when it’s aligned with what you need. Otherwise, it’s time.


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